I found this article in the first blog I started to share about my organizing jobs. Because I enjoy this kind of work so much and hope to get jobs helping families deal with their relatives possession when the relative dies, I wanted to share this story.
When my mom died in 2006, I flew out to San Diego, California, to help my siblings clean up and organize her belongings. There was a lot to do! My mom was so much loved, and I felt so touched by the kind things that people said about her at the memorial service. She collected a lot of things because (like me) she thought they might be useful to someone, or she might be able to sell it at the flea market. I was so glad she saved a bunch of stuff I was glad to have–like letters from when I traveled in Asia.
There was about 40 years of accumulated stuff to deal with. I felt so grateful that I could join my brother and two sisters, and their spouses and friends, to work together on a huge job. I let my older sister take the lead and supported her in mainly getting rid of the stuff that needed to go in the dumpsters. We filled 3 of the largest dumpsters that were available. I call this action “picking the lowest hanging fruit first” It was easy to decide what the trash was because things were obviously damaged by water damage that had occurred in two of the rooms.
I was happy that my organizational skills were utilized during that time because I could clearly see the order which needed to happen. I saw that things were going to be delayed if I didn’t intervene, and fortunately I did so with enough tact that all went smoothly. I wasn’t the professional organizing consultant–I was part of the family. The situation could have been awkward.
With the years of organizing experience I had under my belt, I had learned to I honor a clients needs. Even if what they want does not seem efficient or logical, I will only gently make suggestions, but I won’t push my agenda on them.
In a sensitive time like helping someone order a relative’s possessions–someone who has died or will be going to a nursing home–I am happy that I have my nineteen years experience of practicing non-violent communication. I have learned the profound impact that empathic listening has on people. Tears and grief will come up during this sorting process-and this certainly happened with my family. Anger came up, too. I feel grateful that my practice in Non-violent Communication came in handy for conflict resolution as well as grieving. I had a lot of unresolved issues with my siblings, and we had a reconciliation during this process which was beautiful.
After 3 days of clearing the house of trash (at times there were ten people working!), plus getting ready for the memorial service–most of the trash was cleared out. My older sister decided what were the things that needed to be given away or saved. After the memorial service, my siblings left for their distant homes (except for one who lived near by), and I was left alone for 6 days to get it ready for the estate sale. Here I was, all by my lonesome, in a house with five bedroom, three bathrooms, a family and living room, and thousands of knick knacks and decorations. To top it off-every room was filled with boxes of stuff that needed to be gone through.
The first thing I did was take a day off. I was blessed to have use of a car in San Diego. I visited some dear friends which was comforting.
After my day off, I was refreshed and ready to tackle what might be an overwhelming job for most people. For me, it was an exciting opportunity. I just love sorting!
I stayed up all night sorting boxes because I just could not stop. It was a fantastic experience. I made a box for each of my siblings, plus other boxes for things like correspondence, photos, business, high priority, and low priority. I sat in the living room surrounded by these boxes, and I went through the history of my family and my life. I was so glad to have this job. For some reason it is my nature to be able to have huge seemingly impossible jobs, and feel excited and stimulated.
I just could not stop sorting, seeing box after box of stuff emptied and put into places where they could be useful. Of course since this was my own history, I stopped and read stuff–but if I was doing someone else’s sorting, I would have gone faster because I don’t read their papers except to decide what to do with it.
Some people need me to pre-sort their stuff, just as I was doing with my mom’s possessions. This really helps people who see the sorting process as daunting. I can get the papers, especially, into categories that make it easier and faster for my clients to make decisions. I check in with clients to see if I can throw away things like junk mail, but I don’t throw away anything which gives clients confidence that they won’t lose anything precious.
My siblings came back on Friday, and I was so thrilled to show them the results of my work. As my brother walked through the front door, he was so happy (and a bit shocked) to see that the whole place was ready for an estate sale. I had even taken the time to clean the house, and it smelled much better than it did when we first started working. My sisters were excited and pleased as well!
That night, after a nice dinner together–the first we had shared all together in about 25 years–I sat them down with their boxes. It was like Christmas! They looked through and found letters, cards, special photos, report cards, and childhood art work. I had left out the most special and precious items and we all looked at them together. I felt so close to them, and they felt so thankful for my hard and caring work.
The only place left to sort and clean was my mom’s bedroom. My sister wanted us to do that together. I let her be in charge, as I would with any client, and yet I also offered gentle suggestions. A lot of tears were shed, and we grieved her passing as we had done throughout the whole time we had been working together. And we also celebrated that she was free from all this stuff. We believed she was in a better place.
I feel so deeply fulfilled and joyful that I had these skills to offer to my siblings. She saved those things, hoping that they would be useful, and some of them were. I wish I could have been able to inspire her to use my services before things got out of hand. I’m just glad I was able to help when I did.
I have helped a number of clients who needed help sorting through things that belonged to a loved one who had died. This is such an honor, and I deeply appreciate that people entrust me with this sacred task.
